Heavy Metal

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Michael Bay has made some ugly summer blockbusters before, but none have reached the level of incoherence, shallowness and audacity that are found in Transformers 2. In his newest film, Bay gives to his audience all the terrible things moviegoers despise about popcorn movies and none of the good. It's 150 minutes of overblown special effects, confused and undisciplined cinematography, and shameless product placement. In short, it's a mess.

Transformers 2 takes place several years after the events of the first movie, in which an unsuspecting teen (Shia LaBeouf) found himself in the middle of a war between rival robot warriors millennia old. An elite group of Autobots (the good robots) have struck an alliance with the United States government in order to track down what remains of the Decepticons (the bad robots).

After a short and pointless preamble, the audience is reintroduced to Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) preparing to embark for college. Across the globe, in China, the Autobots and their human military allies fight a rogue Decepticon in the first of many unsatisfying action set-piece of Transformers 2, filmed in custom Michael Bay fashion: like a music video set to fast-forward. Upon dying, the Decepticon whispers something about "The Fallen."

Soon, more and more Decepticons appear on Earth in a desperate search for Sam, whose very mind seems to be the key to reviving "The Fallen" and the destruction of the planet.

Transformers 2 drags on for two and a half hours, alternating between numbing special effects set pieces and failed attempts at humor. The first Transformers was funny; the second Transformers is not, save for a handful of amusing moments. At times it is even racist and anti-Arab. And it, like many of Bay's projects, glorifies runaway militarism.

But it's the action that is the biggest disappointment. It's a difficult task to make fist fights between skyscraper-sized robots tedious and boring, but Bay pulled it off. Watching the all-out melee at the climax of the movie, all I could think was, "I bet all the money spent on this could have funded a lot of other projects."

Bay should be ashamed for his newest movie, if he was capable of such an emotion. Transformers 2 is truly an ugly film with no heart, soul or conscience.

ZERO stars out of ****

TV: A Year in Review, Part I

With Law & Order's season finale last night, the 2008-09 television season has come to an end for me. While there are shows that are actually worthy of attention in the summer (basic cable in, broadcast networks out), the summer usually provides a welcome respite from the weekly viewing habits that tend to eat up prime time. For example, I now only watch shows on Thursday and Sunday and opposed to Sunday-Friday during the rest of the year. Gives me a chance to catch up on the huge backlog of a DVD collection I have. For others, it's torture of the highest degree to wait four months (and longer in some cases) to see how season-finale shocking cliffhangers are resolved. Below is a review of the some of the best and worst, in my opinion, of the year:

We'll start with the worst because it's more fun to rant than praise. I'm officially dropping three shows for next fall, two regulars and one new series. The first is Heroes and like many who have grown increasingly frustrated with this once promising show, enough is simply enough. The promise of a turnaround next season, something that has been said going all the way back to before season two after the lackluster season one finale, it's just more of a chore than a fun diversion on Monday nights. Even the return of Bryan Fuller, after the demise of the sorely missed Pushing Daisies, did not elevate the end of season three above anything other than so-so. The show tries to be daring and then immediately does a reversal which the audience should find surprising but is instead just a restoration of the status quo. Heroes is moving to the 8:00 PM EST spot next fall and House, M.D. (see Part II) will be getting my undivided attention.

Another show which has very much overstayed its welcome is Smallville. After last year, the show runners from the beginning stepped down and fans were promised a series that would not be as constricted by canon and a fear of infringing on the adult Superman story lines. What we got instead was more of Clark standing around whining and uncertain when he should be doing something, characters acting wildly unlike themselves and fights scenes that were shorter than the time it took you to read this sentence. Even the introduction of Doomsday provided very little action and more of a chance to make the ultimate destroyer sympathetic for the audience. Who wants to care for Doomsday? Not every villain has to be vulnerable and conflicted. Even a huge season finale death which would have imploded Superman canon was immediately retconned (Heroes writers moonlighting?) and cheapened the emotional impact of what would have been a truly tragic demise.

Finally there's Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which I watched out of loyalty as a Star Wars fan despite the fact I really didn't care for last summer's animated film. Each episode is essentially another battle, with some moralizing on the side and ethnic stereotypes as aliens for the desert. While visually stunning, it's a bad sign when you're most interesting characters are the clone troopers who have seen more development in this series than any character in the prequels. Hell, more than most characters in the original trilogy as well. I finished off the season but am taking my leave before the last taste of Star Wars I have is an extremely bitter one.

Be sure to catch Part II next week for the season's best and must see TV viewing for next year. Part III will focus on those series who will not be joining us for another year on the tube and Part IV will look ahead to next fall and what makes the cut and what's not even Tivo-worthy. This weekend will also see a post about the summer viewing possibilities, mostly on USA and AMC. Until next time . . .

Video Game Summary: April and May

I've had the opportunity to play plenty of great games over the last two months. The best of the best follow.

1. Ico (Score: 98)

This Playstation 2 game is a real gem, an action-adventure game stripped down to the basics. Players take control of Ico, a young boy born with horns. The customs of Ico's village dictates that every child born with horns is a bad omen and must be escorted to an isolated castle and imprisoned there. Ico is fortunate enough to escape his cell and wanders through the immense fortress, where he meets Yorda, a young girl also trapped in the castle. For the rest of the game, Ico explores the castle, solving its puzzles and protecting Yorda from enemy spirits who ceaselessly try to reclaim the young girl.

The gameplay in Ico is as simple as its minimalist storyline. Most of the game is spent exploring the castle, solving its mysteries and hoping to find a way out. Ico can climb, run and jump across chasms; he can also fight off evil spirits with whatever's handy: at first a simple stick, later a sword. What lends Ico a sense of urgency and, dare I say, poetry is the relationship between Ico and Yorda. The latter, whose connection to the castle and its spirits becomes more clear throughout the adventure, is trapped between the corporeal and spritual world. Ico must escort her AND protect her at the same time he is making sense of the castle. He can call to her, grasp her hand and lead her, and help her cross chasms and climb walls. There is something very touching about two youngsters, scared and overwhelmed, holding each others hands in a world trying to separate them.

Ico is a short adventure and can probably be completed in 6-8 hours.

2. Soul Calibur (Score: 97)

Many people consider Soul Calibur to be the greatest fighting game ever made. It's difficult to argue with them. Soul Calibur is the continuation of the Soul series, which debuted in arcades as Soul Edge and found a home on the Playstation console renamed as Soul Blade. Like its predecessor, Soul Calibur is a 3D weapons-based fighter. Each colorful character uses a distinct weapon and employs a specialized fighting style. Unlike its predecessor and unlike every 3D fighter to come before it, Soul Calibur introduced a revolutionary 8-way run, where fighters could move freely in three dimensions.

The moves in Soul Calibur fall into four main categories: vertical attack, horizontal attack, kick and block. Characters can also performs throws, parries and "soul charges," short bursts of energy which strengthen other moves. Fighting in Soul Calibur requires a healthy dose of strategy. Vertical attacks can be sidestepped; hortizontal attacks can be ducked; fighers can even circle their opponent and grab them from behind. Adding to the mayhem are precipitous stages on which fighters can accomplish a "ring out" by tossing their opponent from the ring and into oblivion.

Soul Calibur sports several modes, including Arcade, Versus, Survive, Team Battle and, best of all, Mission Mode, in which players complete specific fighting scenarios, winning credits to purchase artwork, costumes and hidden stages.

Goodbye, County General

This Thursday (April 2nd) NBC, and the world, will bid goodbye to the doctors and nurses of Cook County General Hospital on ER. A three hour finale extravaganza kicks off at 8:00 PM EST with an hour-long retrospective followed by the two-hour series finale. Many of the show's formers stars have appeared all this season, the series' fifteenth, and more will pop up in both the retrospective, offering their insights about the series, and in the actual finale, providing closure for their characters.

It's no secret ER has fallen in terms of viewership over the years, and quite possibly a bit in quality, but this season, which was granted by NBC due to the writers' strike last year so as not to rush the plot lines in an abbreviated season, has struck a fine balance between both tying up the loose ends of the current cast as well as sprinkling in those who have left County General years before in an organic fashion. The stories are even elevated to a higher level and not relying on gimmicks to attract viewers, aside from returning characters, such as a lack of the standard disaster episode leading to mass casualties which have grown increasingly ludicrous over the years. Remember when the ER was threatened by a tank? Yeah, stuff like that.

I honestly believe ER has been able to cross the finish line with its dignity intact and does not feel like it's running on fumes like some shows (sorry Friends) which have had similar longevity. It actually will leave the audience wanting more, which is the best a series can hope for when it goes off the air. ER will continue in reruns and DVDs (the first ten seasons being available already) but this Thursday will see the last veteran of Must-See TV sign off for the last time.

A new series, Southland, created by John Wells, one of ER's executive producers from the very beginning, takes on the once highly coveted NBC Thursdays at 10:00 PM spot, which was home to such former series as Hill Street Blues and L.A. Law. Unfortunately this will most likely be the last NBC flagship series to occupy that time slot. Starting next year Jay Leno will be hosting a nightly talk show during the 10:00 PM EST spot. In a continued effort to revolutionize its schedule, NBC has decided to keep Leno close by any means necessary, in this case forking over five hours of prime time. With its decision last year to devote most of the 8:00 PM EST slots to reality programming, it seems NBC has all but given up on scripted programming. With ER's passing it is truly the end of an era, for NBC at least. It hasn't come close to achieving the ratings it scored in the 1990s, but since everything is cyclical we can only hope that in five years, NBC will be on the rise again.

Prepping the Oven

A title sequence has in its power to either whet the appetite of the audience for the show about to begin or provide an extra bit of time on or before the first commercial break to go to the bathroom, get a drink, text a friend, etc. It's a difficult line to walk. How do you create something interesting and unique keeping it fresh over the course of several seasons while also maintaining a sense of familiarity?



First thing: you need a good theme tune. Everyone knows the words to "I'll Be There for You", the theme that launched Friends every week for ten years on NBC. Even though later seasons would see the title sequence whittled down to a mere two or three lines, Friends never went the way of some shows which cut a title sequence all together in order to increase time for the story. Another that comes to mind is Smallville's "Save Me", an appropriate title for a series about a fledgling superhero.

The song can work against you however and you need to be careful. Damages uses the song "When I Am Through with You" and has the same two lines play over and over. It's almost as if the writers are trying to hit you over the head with the "point" of the theme. Whereas "Save Me" is an actual song, "When I am Through With You" which I'm sure has more lines, is used very awkwardly and is a low point in Damages' otherwise can't miss aura.

The visuals are another key. Most shows go with shots of the main cast from episodes around that point of the season, changing up the sequence a few times over the course of the year. Friends followed this pattern all the way until the end mixing with images of the actors from the first season dancing around a fountain. Some shows will use scenes regardless of the cast names such as The Office which has used the same sequence since its first season. Unfortunately it seems a bit out of place considering how much of the characters' looks have changed over the course of the series. House, M.D. mixes images of locations around the fictional Princeton-Plainsboro hospital mixed with shots of human anatomy only ending with a wide shot of part of the main cast. Law & Order has used the same images of crime and overhead city shots for the past nineteen years, the only changes being the photos of the main cast as it has evolved over the years.



A show does not necessarily need a title sequence to provide that sense of familiarity and anticipation. ER eventually did away with its credit sequence leaving only the intertitle featuring a few chords of instrumental music that led into the "Previously on ER . . ." segments which signaled it was time for another trip to County General. Last year however the decision was made to change up the theme music, most likely in a effort to provide a fresh take. Longtime fans were disappointed with the change and numerous appeals on message boards have been made to restore the original intertitle for the last few episodes. A similar change occurred on Quantum Leap in its last season where the theme was "amped up" which left fans, especially those from the beginning, in a bit of an uproar. Other hour-long shows such as Reaper and Terminator: The Sarah Chronicles (using well recognized chords from the film franchise) have similar intertitles in lieu of an actual title sequence.

Title sequences are bit of a grab bag. Some shows work without them, launching right into the story, while other benefit from that welcoming refrain which starts off each episode. One of the best, in my opinion, currently on television is NBC's Chuck. Across stills of the main cast, an AOL man-type figure engages in stock spy moves, such as repelling down the side of the screen, avoiding an onslaught of bullets and high-speed driving. The instrumental "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" is a catchy and upbeat theme and the entire sequence provides an atmosphere of an exciting group of characters while the visuals suggest that it's not meant to be taken too seriously. A perfect segue into the show and a must see whenever it comes onto the screen. Any tasks will have to wait until the first commercial break. It helps that the cast is one of the funniest on television with anything delivered by Ryan McPartlin or Adam Baldwin worthy of at least a chuckle.

Shooting Gallery - Part II

Halo 2

Release date: November 9, 2004 (Xbox)
Genre: First-person Shooter
Developer: Bungie Studios

The original Halo described itself as "Combat Evolved." And although it didn't redefine the rules of war, it certainly redefined a genre.

Halo 2 could just as easily have been called "Multiplayer Evolved." Its multiplayer modes and networking options were second-to-none when it arrived in homes in late 2004; it's still a blast to play in 2009.

The one-player campaign mode in Halo 2 is shorter and more episodic than that in its predecessor, but to call it an afterthought would be wrong. Although brief (somewhere between 10 and 15 hours), the campaign in Halo 2 is nothing short of brilliant, with inspired level design, incredible production values and top-flight mechanics.

Players once again play as Spartan 117, a genetically enhanced super-soldier known by his rank: Master Chief. The Master Chief is a key cog in the military forces of the United Nations Space Command (UNSC). The principal enemy of the UNSC is the Covenant, a confederation of highly religious alien species who have declared war on humanity.

Halo 2 goes a long way in revealing much more about the Covenant hierarchy, history, technology and social structure as well as UNSC protocals and defense strategies. If players read a prologue of the Halo mythology in Halo 1, they read a dissertation in Halo 2.

The most remarkable aspect of the Halo 2 campaign, and something which separates it from its predecessor, is the ability to play as a member of the Covenant in several missions. Players control a disgraced Elite, chosen by the Prophets to assume the role of the Arbiter, a generational hero of the Covenant. Playing as the enemy is an exhilirating experience, something that makes Halo 2 very special indeed.

It is in the multiplayer arena that Halo 2 makes the biggest splash, however. Players can join parties made up of gamers from all over the globe and participate in games of Deathmatch, King of the Hill, Capture the Flag, etc. Members of the same team can communicate with each other via a microphone headset - be wary, though, enemy forces can actually pick up rival communications if their character is within earshot. Small details like those make the multiplayer experience like nothing seen before on consoles.

Score: 97/100

Video Game Classics - Part III

Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee

Release date: September 19, 1997
Genre: Platform
Developer: Oddworld Inhabitants

With the appearance of Super Mario 64 in 1996, the first great 3D platform game was born. It became the prototype for an entire generation of games, including Banjo-Kazooie and Spyro the Dragon. In some cases, however, many franchises which had their roots in 2D platforming remained in that genre: Mega Man and Castlevania, for example. New platform franchises sprouted up also, eschewing 3D polygons in favor of 2D sprites: Rayman, Yoshi's Story and Oddworld. Of the new breed, the first installment of Oddworld, Abe's Oddysee, was the most unique, challenging and cinematic.

Abe's Oddysee was developed by Oddworld Inhabitants to be the first part of a quintology, which would follow the adventures of denizens on Oddworld, an alien planet. Somewhere along the way, that plan fell apart; only 2 installments of the quintology have been released, along with several "bonus" titles.

In Abe's Oddysee, players control Abe, a naive Mudokon working in RuptureFarms meat processing facility on Oddworld. Mudokons have been enslaved by the evil corporate entity controlling RuptureFarms, personified by Molluck the Glukon, the fatcat running the facility.

It turns out that Molluck has overfarmed the animal populations on Oddworld and has sent at least one species into extinction. His solution: raise profits by turning the Mudokon employees into the next big snack item. When Abe overhears the grim news, he decides to escape. Along the way he attempts to rescue his fellow employees, outwit pursuing security forces and discover his part in a much larger plan for Oddworld.

When it was released, Abe's Oddysee was unfairly critized for its level of difficulty and shortage of save locations. The game can be frustrating at times, but most great games dish out healthy doses of frustration to sweeten the eventual reward of success.

Apart from a steep learning curve, Abe's Oddysee infuses traditional platform elements (running, jumping, crawling) with new and creative options. One of the most unique additions is "Game Speak," the ability to communicate with enemies, friends and animals with everything from words and whistles to growls and flatulence.

In addition to excellent gameplay, Abe's Oddysee boasts several first-rate full-motion animation cut-scenes throughout the adventure. Graphics, sound and play control are all superb.

Score: 96/100